I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have aggressive nipples.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
