We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
