remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just want nice things and good sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
not ubering you a puppy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love you. Go after that dick
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
