so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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