she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
