I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
