just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
