TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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