Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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