Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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