Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
