shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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