I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
