how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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