You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize