Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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