he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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