I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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