woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
