i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
