I wish I only lived at night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
