If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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