i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
