but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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