if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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