I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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