so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
