I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
