Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your cock deserves a montage
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
