Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
