You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
