My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
