how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
