just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
