he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
