Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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