fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
