I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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