Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
