Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
