sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
