Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize