If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize