girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
