how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
