She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
