I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
