On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
