She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
