Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
