Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
