New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
