I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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