True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
