i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize