I heard we made out
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
