I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
