the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
