and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
