Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
