It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
