If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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