"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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