it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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