I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
nutella sex= disaster
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
