I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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