Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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